Just A Few Adjustments.

I’m going to dive right in. For starters, I fell in love. I fell in love with someone who isn’t in love with me. And that, in itself, is super hard to deal with. Especially when you fall in love with someone who is your best friend and they aren’t in love with you in return. It hurts. It sucks. It’s miserable. It’s hard to fucking deal with. And I’m not the best at dealing with things that are hard or confusing or misleading or anything else you can think of to call it.

He’s amazing. He’s my best friend. And we are literally together every. single. day. Talk about a pain in the ass. And I know what you’re thinking. Why not just stop hanging out with him? Because I’ve been having the time of my life. I’ve learned so many things by having him in my life. I’ve grown and I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone. I’ve gone places and done things I would have never thought I’d do. And that’s important. It’s important to try new things. Growing is so important.

He makes me happy. Even if it’s not in the way I want him to. He makes me calm. He makes me realize what’s important in life. He makes me feel alive.

And I’ll hold onto it as long as I can. Because I feel honored to even have him at all.

Second, my period stopped about ten years ago. I had cysts on my ovaries and my period stopped and I was told that it probably wasn’t coming back. The word pre-menopausal was thrown around. It was super weird.

Well…I fell in love and apparently my body decided it wants a baby because now my period is back. And that’s been insane. For all the ladies reading this, remember your very first period? And how hard it was to adjust to it? And how much it fucked with you at first? Okay, well try reliving those adolescent days in your late twenties. It’s been insane.

So I’ve just been trying to learn how to deal. And it may take me some more time. But at the end of the day, I’m happy. I’m healthy. And I’m just taking it one day at a time. It’s all anyone can do.

Be happy. Be healthy. Live. Laugh. Love. Be free. Have a ball. Don’t take the things you have for granted. You’re lucky to have what you have.

Stop and Smell the Roses

rosesssss

 

Let me just start this by saying that I have had the week from hell. Like, Satan woke up and looked through his registry and said to himself, “Hmmm….she’s had it far too easy lately, so let’s just change that for a bit.” I’m touched Satan, really, but can you please move on?

It started with me losing a friend. Now, normally death and I get along pretty well. I’ve lost a lot of people in my almost 27 years of life. I’ve never lost a 24 year old friend. And I’ve never lost a friend to drugs. Needless to say, this particular death has left a bad taste in my mouth. It hit me really hard and I’m not ashamed to say that I’m still processing it and trying to deal with it.

I met an amazing guy and we hit it off. So I thought that maybe that was a silver lining. Nope. Just another disappointment. Which, I should honestly not even be surprised about because my luck in the romance department…Well let’s just say that if I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.

On top of that, my boss has been a major pill. He’s been having some medical issues, so he isn’t always in the best of moods. That’s putting it nicely. He’s been using me as a punching bag for a┬álong time, and I think that all of this thrown together has just been pushing me over the edge.

BUT WAIT. There’s more! Someone hacked my debit card and took all of my money (I had $70.00 left and part of that was a bill that was due and the rest had to last me the whole week). They also over drafted my account. The bill that was due was my credit card bill, and since I couldn’t pay it, I got a late fee that I cannot get reversed.

SO. Here I am. Beaten, exhausted, depressed, angry, alone, sad, scared and penniless.

I had to drop my sister off at home after work and my mom called me and told me to come in for a moment. She sounded really angry, and I tried to think of what I might have done to upset her, but I was coming up short.

I walk in and she’s in her dining room and on the dining room table are bags and bags of groceries.

I know that she’s been stressed lately, so I grab a bag to start helping her put them away and she stops me.

My mom bought me bags and bags of groceries.

Now, none of you know me, but I assure you that I am obnoxiously independent. I don’t know how my mom knew that I was starving and that I have no food in my house. She did know that someone hacked my debit card, so she probably just put two and two together.

It was the nicest thing that someone has done for me in awhile.
And in that moment, my very horrible ugly week started to fade away.

Death is a natural part of life. A natural part of growing. And it’s inevitable. As tragic as it is, it’s still a learning experience. Cherish your moments on this Earth. Cherish the people that you hold dear. Life is so short, and you never know when your time is up. Spend your time wisely.

A boyfriend is not a necessity. It is not a priority. Relationships are hard, but if it’s ever meant to happen, I fully believe it will. And it’s also okay if it isn’t. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and don’t be afraid to try. If you get knocked down, get back up and try again.

People can be assholes. I’m sure Mr. Money Grabber in Chicago who was gallivanting around paying $8.00 for parking and $61.00 on shoes and $85.00 on who knows what else couldn’t have possibly stopped to think for a minute that he was honestly ruining someone. I’m sure he or she probably tried to justify it by thinking the card they hacked probably had a lot of dollars behind it, so that makes it okay. I forgive you. You’re a son of a bitch, and I’m sure Lady Karma has quite a treat in store for you, but I still forgive you. Enjoy your shoes.

My boss is human. And at the end of the day, he’s still a great boss and I’m still very thankful for him.

No matter how bad things get, they always get better. And they’ll get worse again. And better again. It’s balance.

I hope everyone else is enjoying their week. Stop and smell the roses.