This feels big. It’s not a chase him around the playground because he’s cute. It’s not butterflies in your stomach because he smiled at you. It’s not giddy because you got paired up for a science project.

It’s not childish. It’s not playful. It’s not innocent, either.

It’s I want all of you, every single inch, including the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s I want to know every detail and every story that makes up who you are. It’s the fact that there are so many things about you that would normally have my heart running away kicking and screaming, but it’s the exact opposite.

It’s a little ugly, too. Isn’t it? Feeling this way for someone who has no interest in you. Letting them have every part of you, knowing they don’t appreciate it the way it should be. Letting myself fall for someone who’s looking for someone else. Already jealous of whatever girl gets to be that lucky.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
It’s my personal torture.

But I let it happen anyway.
And it will all blow up in my face. Very badly.

Leaving pieces of me scattered around for the birds to pick at.

Just tell me how to make it stop before it’s too late.


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